03 February, 2019

Cookie Crisp
Overall Rating: 64
The initial promise of its appearance is not borne out by either flavour or texture. A classic case of a product marketed by its look alone.

Hillary Clinton’s cookies* have nothing on these. This is a brilliant idea, brilliantly executed. The simple shape and look of chocolate-chip cookies is accurately reproduced in miniature, resulting in bite-sized morsels the Keebler Elves might envy. The detail is admirable, right down to the tiny chocolate-coloured dots representing the chips.

Texture and Taste, Dry
The chocolate-coloured dots turn out to be exactly that: chocolate coloured. There isn’t a molecule of cocoa in this cereal, and the artificial nature of the flavouring shows up dramatically when you set your teeth into it. And while the cereal provides the decent resistance to the bit and the crumbly mouthfeel its name implies, the flavour is a tremendous disappointment. There’s a metallic tang to it, and no chocolatey goodness at all. From the box this stuff tastes more of the laboratory than the kitchen. What flavour there is goes stale quickly, too. You won’t want to nibble on more than a handful, or you’ll feel queasy.

Texture and Taste, With Milk
The same problems bedevil this product with milk as when dry. The crunch holds up well in milk, but the flavour is a big disappointment. The hints of metal are softened by the milk, but that just emphasizes how little flavour there really is. This cereal is sweet enough that it satisfies nicely on the sucro-scale, but there has to be more to a bowl of cereal than just sucrose, or we could all eat All-Bran with four spoons of sugar on it. Besides, the artificial colours turn the milk purple.

Since we’ve been comparing cereals with celebrities, let’s call this one the Madonna of the sweet-set. It looks enticing and promises something exciting and slightly risque. (Cookies for breakfast? How unusual!) Like Madonna, though, this stuff is long on promise and short on substance. When you get below the surface, you find that surface is all there is. [October 1992]

*Hey, it was election campaign season in 1992. This apparently mattered back then.

No comments: