Wen rushed over to his father. "Uh," he said to the others, "he has clearly been upset by all that's happened, and he isn't in his right mind."
"And you," Father said, turning on Wen. "If you think I'm going to be grateful for a few seconds' ability to speak after months and months of choking, burning suffering, you're even more selfish and stupid than I thought you were! How could you do this—to anyone, much less to your own father?"
"What has happened to you?" Wen asked, trying not to be horrified by the anger he saw burning in Father's eyes. He looked at Number One Grandfather, and was startled at how happy the old man looked.
"It's not that unusual," said the Jade Emperor. "Hungry ghosts are more often than not unpleasant people to begin with, and sometimes there's a build-up of anger that bursts out whenever the silence is removed. I can deal with that."
"You know," said Wen as Father shouted a wordless objection, "I think I'd rather you didn't."
"What?" Three immortals spoke as one, but Wen noticed that the ancestors now all were smiling. Father turned to stare at him.
"I admit," said Wen, "that I would just as soon not be called an excrescence, or selfish and stupid. However, after decades of hearing my father abase himself before pretty much everyone, I think that a bit of abuse would be a small price to pay for knowing that he was finally free of that Confucian garbage. So please, leave him as he is."
"Awfully decent of you," Father snarled.
"I love you too," Wen said to him. He turned to the Jade Emperor. "I think I'm ready, Majesty."
"Hey!" the Queen Mother of the West shouted. "Hands off the peaches!"
"I'm starving, damn it!" shouted Father. "I haven't had a decent meal in months!"
"Oh, shut up," said the Jade Emperor. "Here: eat this." Another gesture of the smallest finger, and a platter of bao and jiaozi appeared on the ground in front of Father, who threw himself to the grass and began eating with happy growling sounds.
"Now," the Jade Emperor said, "what do we do with you all?"
"As far as I'm concerned," said Number One Grandfather, "you could just let us return to our usual haunts. Our job here seems to be finished, and we were never part of this plot to begin with. The girl summoned us, and everything we did we did at her instigation."
The Jade Emperor glared. "That's not exactly family loyalty, even if it is close enough to the truth. Still, I have a feeling you're going to be punished sufficiently as it is; there's nothing I could do to you that's any worse." He nodded, and the grandfathers disappeared, right in the midst of Number One Grandfather's querulous demand to be told what the hell that meant.
"As for you, Wen Xia," said the Jade Emperor, "you have already wasted so much of my leisure time that there's no punishment I can think of that would be remotely suitable."
"An eternity in boiling lead," suggested the Queen Mother of the West.
"Yes, we all know your favorites," he said. "But I'm tired of the same old things. No," he said, turning back to Wen, "you remind me more than a little of someone else I had trouble with, once. He didn't stop at fraud, though: this fellow was about as thorough a criminal as you can imagine. I couldn't bring myself to kill him, and I can't really bring myself to kill you either. I guess I have a soft spot for a rogue. Tell me," he said, leaning close to Wen, "is it true that you have been planning all along to overthrow the Ming remnant ruling Fusang? You can be honest with me, you know. In fact, I rather insist on it."
"That's not what I'm after!" Wen threw up his hands. "Why does everyone always assume that I want to make myself emperor or prince or even village headman? All I want is the chance to become a little bit rich and live a live of ease without having to work too hard!"
"Can you live with the consequences of this happening even if you didn't intend it?" Lao Zi asked, his face twinkling. "It's not usual for someone to be on the Way and not know it, but it's not unheard of either." Wen looked at Yin Fengzi; she was grinning as well. I don't think I like the way this is going, he thought.
"So while I'm probably going to regret this," the Jade Emperor said, looking at his wife, "I'm afraid I really can't see the point in punishing you, Wen Xia, or your little friend here. You claim you acted for selfish reasons, but the fact remains that everything you have done here you did to the benefit of others. Yes, I recognize that you believe that you will be the ultimate beneficiary—what's the point of omniscience, otherwise?—but what you believe and what is true aren't always the same things. And anyway, any selfishness you may have felt is more than compensated for by the purity of Yin Fengzi's motives. So I'm going to send your father to join his—your—ancestors."
The Jade Emperor gestured and Father disappeared; his "Hey! I wasn't finished with that!" echoed through the peach trees, and after a moment the Jade Emperor sent the tray of food into the mists as well.
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